It's now Friday,  5 days into my 50 Day Challenge to serve other people and live by grace.  To put others before myself.  It's 12:00 Friday night.  I started this exactly an hour ago, but the computer crashed, I re-installed the mouse driver, and I had some coffee and chocolate.  Darcia will roll over in bed and wonder why I'm not home soon...

5 days is enough to have a few observations.  

1.  It takes lots of time to put others first.
My primary people to serve is my family.  I work evenings and weekends a lot (only retail staff and pastors get to say that).  So I spend some days with my family to make up for it.
Monday was a holiday.  Darcia and I spent it doing errands, and had a great lunch together (104 St Grill, Contest winner!!!).  Monday was good.

Tuesday I worked in the morning, then volunteered with Trinity's class at school in the afternoon.  Then I took the girls home, did homework/supper/basketball/flyers/storytime/walkthedog.  The whole time I was thinking "What about the things I want to get done?"  The whole time was for them. 

If you want to serve others, it takes time.  Check out of your own agenda.  Put your own life on hold.  Truly leave work.  If I do more for others I do less for me.

I felt a bit cheated because my day disappeared, and I didn't get my agenda done.  I have a bit of guilt for not "working" or "accomplishing things".  
Why is "working" more important than time with my kids?  Why is it hard to displace myself for their sake?  Wouldn't it be nice if time with my kids was the thing I delighted to do and not felt guilty for?
To be honest, half the time I wasn't missing work.  I was missing meaningless waste time.  Sports updates, checking email that doesn't matter, reading stories on the internet.

Simplify your expectations.
When I try to fit a million things into my schedule I set myself up for failure.  I have 16 things to do before I get home for dinner.  Then I eat quickly and leave.  Where is the time for people?  There isn't any.  All I can do is get the task done.  I see people if they are the task; but then they're a task and not a person, and I'm not honouring them, I'm accomplishing an agenda or to-do list.

I've got a boundary issue, where I add things to do, thinking if I admit I can't do more I'm a failure.  It's screwy thinking. And it keeps me overcommitted and forgetting the important things.  If I try to do less I can afford the time with people.

Far too late at night now to even get grammar right.  Found an interesting article on attachment parenting as a distraction to read.  Should be sleeping now instead so I can have a nice morning.  Not coherent.  Hope I can drive safely still. Later.